Building Relationships
TLDR: Connection is everything at work
Human connection is powerful...that connection spawns emotional support, cognitive development, mental well-being, growth, collaboration and happiness and fulfillment. Humans NEED connection. Which is why relationships are everything at work. They are the fabric of the enterprise world. Think about your daily routine and how many times you interact with another person. Countless times.
While some work is done independently; generally we are working with others.
We build relationships to develop some level of connection with others. The result is trusted communications, strong team dynamics and positive outcomes. (Side note: Some people do develop relationships for nefarious activities and self-intent...but that's not our focus)
Ignoring relationship building and there are big, toxic, problems that will arise:
people do not want to work with those they don’t trust. In some cases they will go to great lengths to avoid it…and then work suffers across the board because of it.
missed revenue opportunities
negative reputation and brand
no trust which leads to disdain between, people, teams and even the larger orgs
inconsistent individual + team performance
missed targets + delays in delivery
culture of blaming and empire-building
lack of communication and responsiveness of the team
team morale suffers
These problems clearly demonstrate the importance of having trusted relationships at work.
With relationships, there aren’t necessarily immediate results...typically a culmination of events leads up to the building of a great relationship or to the toxic problems I noted earlier on. They require time and investment.
Building relationships requires effort and can seem overwhelming. There are basics to help you get started...and it is often the basics that are the most important as they ground us in what we do and how we do it.
Be yourself. I have been guilty of this in the past where you put on your "gameface" for the office and have another personality outside of work. Be professional but have a personality too. Being yourself brings a level of comfort (to you) and authenticity with others. Get rid of the charades. Do you.
Take the time. Relationships are not founded in a single meet...that's where they start. They require time and investment from you (and the parties) to develop the relationship.
Be honest. Honesty = trust. You need to think before you speak. but overall Honesty is THE best policy. Nothing kills a relationship faster than lying to someone.
Do what you say you're doing to do. Reputation goes a LONG way in building trust and relationships...and can be easily ruined. Tied with being honest, be known as someone who does what they say they’re going to do. It shows commitment and reliability.
Be confident yet humble. You have a lot to offer in the relationship, be confident yet stay humble in your approach to building that relationship.
Listen. You can't build trust unless without listening intently to those around you. Pay attention. Be in the moment.
Ask lots of questions. As you listen, you learn more about the individual(s) and can then ask deeper, more focused questions to develop the relationship. Be respectful.
Share. Within a level of comfort and professionalism, sharing past experiences, insights and wisdom from your career demonstrates a willingness to open up with that individual and share information.
Set expectations. This can be as simple as your "office hours" or as complex as a contract negotiation. By setting expectations, you can clearly understand all parties involved in the relationship.
Understanding yourself and how you operate. By knowing you communicate, how you like to get to know people, time to build trust, work with others and your gaps (i.e. -your weaknesses), you can develop much better relations. Use that self-awareness as a superpower.
As you forge relationships with others, you will begin to notice patterns of people you interact with....core groupings for organizing relationships. I think of them as circles:
Your most trusted inner circle - these are a few, select individuals who you tell everything to and vice versa.
Trusted individuals in your network - where your communications and information sharing is context specific. These people are likely close partners/collaborators or work friends in your industry, share opportunities and leads and often refer business back/forth.
Sticky networks where you are publicly problem-solving, sharing insights + expertise (think private slacks or social platforms)
These circles are critical to establishing trusted networks, driving new business, mobilizing large multidisciplinary teams and growth.
How to better at making connections?
Be Curious - Read, Watch videos, Listen to podcasts.
Ask for feedback, reflect on it and then do something with it.
Time and experience - as noted before, relationships take time and by extension so does gaining more experience in building relationships. Slow down to see greater returns.
Establish your own systems for building relationships. As you get better you will notice what works and doesn’t for you and those around you. Make note of this and build your systems.
Don’t be afraid to let some relationships go - everything is temporary. Don't keep a relationship that doesn't make sense.
Thanks for reading!
-Adam